So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
