I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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