No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
