I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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