I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
