dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
