After last night, I could never be a politician.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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