I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
