Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
