Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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