I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
