I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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