'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
