he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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