I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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