Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
