Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
