hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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