i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
