Your mouth is God's brothel.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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