What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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