I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
