i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
