So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
