You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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