Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
