I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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