Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I touched a dick in church today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
