I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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