hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
