Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
