Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
