girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
