you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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