3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
