I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
