Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
