what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
