its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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