I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
