Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
