her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
