a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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