just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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