drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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