We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
