I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
