ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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