He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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