You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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