Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
