So drunk its hurt
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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