apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
