Rock
Scissors
Fuck
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
